It’s been a while since I last took the time to sit down and write, and I’m realizing as I type this sentence that it was about a year ago that I sat down to write my first piece for this blogging project. Have I been faithful to it like I said I was? Nope. But, really, how surprising is that? Unfortunately, I feel like I’m the type of person that has great ideas but when it comes to actually implementing those ideas I lose interest and get bored.
Actually, I recently got into this phase that had me really interested in figuring out what my personality type was, and after spending some time online and taking a few tests, my results weren’t all that surprising. I got ENFP (Extraverted iNtuition Feeling and Perceiving), which basically translates to a Spontaneous Idealist. Besides the fact that I think that has a nice ring to it, the description was pretty accurate, I think. “Spontaneous Idealists are masters of communication and very amusing and gifted entertainers. Fun and variety are guaranteed when they are around. However, they are sometimes somewhat too impulsive in dealing with others and can hurt people without really meaning to do so, due to their direct and sometimes critical nature. This personality type is a keen and alert observer; they miss nothing which is going on around them.”
Where was I? Right, talking about how I’ve been neglecting the blogging thing. Well, you know what? Blogging is difficult when you’re taking 18 hours and have multiple projects, papers, presentations due weekly in two different languages.
I guess my specific “theme” for this post is change. The very sound of that word sends shivers down my spine. I don’t do change well. My personality type says I like spontaneity, which I do, but usually when I’m the one in charge of creating the spontaneity. As I near the end of my last fall semester ever, I’m realizing that there’s a lot changing around me, but not that I’m necessarily adapting to those changes – or that the changes in my environment are changing me internally and not vice versa.
Let me explain what I’m feeling using a visual anecdote cause that’s how I best learn and explain things. The other day after church, I was playing with some of the kids in the parking lot while some of the real adults were having a meeting. In the yard of the church there’s this tree whose leaves actually change shades of yellow and orange every fall (a rare sight in SA).
Right now, those leaves are a bright shade of yellow, and as I took a few seconds to look at the tree’s leaves, I related to that tree in that instant. This time of year in Texas, as the weather gets (inconsistently) cooler and cooler, that tree has no choice but for its leaves to change. Those leaves and that tree are affected by the environment. Eventually, those yellow leaves will turn orange, then brown, and then one of us will be raking them up into piles in the church yard.
And in that moment, I related SO much with that tree, that tree who, in a few weeks, will be dormant – at least on the surface. It’s leaves will fall and nothing but the tree’s brown and grey branches will remain – a skeleton of what once was until, that is, when Spring comes and months of preparation finally comes into sight and we are able to literally see the fruits of the tree’s labor.
As I stood there almost feeling sorry for the tree’s inevitable dormancy, I felt in my heart that I’m in my own state of dormancy – waiting for the semester to finish, waiting for graduation, waiting for something and not actively doing anything. “Wonderful,” I thought sarcastically, “I’m like a dead tree right now.” But the truth is that there’s a lot of power in dormancy, you know? That tree isn’t really dormant in the sense that we know that word. That tree is building up strength and preparing for Spring when it’ll come back in full force. I guess it’s kinda like that with me right now. In our times of stillness and quiet I would like to believe that, just like that tree will be in it’s state of dormancy, that we’re preparing for something big. I think it’s time we fully embraced that journey that so often is filled with bouts of change and dormancy.